Disgusting Is What's On Top, and Disgusting Is What It Is

Lemon, Pear, Pomegranate,
Apple, Kiwi, Lime & Onion Soup
Gateau
A recipe by Caleb
(for a school assignment on the meaning of "balderdash")

Ingredients:
15 lemons
15 pears
15 pomegranates
15 apples
15 kiwis
15 limes
50 eggs
100 cups of flour
20 cups water
75 cups of salt
50 cups of onion soup with melted cheese
booger green food coloring
20 cups chopped up skunk glands
15 cups of soap
3 tubes of minty toothpaste
20 cups of ghost crystals


Things you will need:
4 very big bowls
fruit peeler
a big knife
a blender
a cutting board
hammer & chisel
nose plug
a very big cake pan
a very big oven


How to make it:

Take off all the fruit skins with a peeler, and put the skins into bowl #1. Cut all the fruit up, and put it in bowl #2. Put the fruit in the blender in shifts. Push the buttons: Stir… puree… whip… grate… mix… chop… blend. When the fruit is done blending, put it in bowl #3. Do the same with the skins, except don’t blend; stop at “chop.” Put the chopped skins in an bowl #4 .

Preheat oven to 300 degrees.

Crack all 50 eggs into bowl #1. Dump all 100 cups of flour into the same bowl. Dump in 75 cups of salt. Add all the onion soup & cheese. Mix with hands until it is like stinky, cheesy dough.

Put 20 cups of water in bowl #2. Add soap and booger green food coloring to bowl #2. Put on nose plug (and don’t take off until you’re done eating). Then add chopped up skunk glands. Pour contents of bowl #2 into blender. Press “whip” and “mix” until it’s like booger green whipped cream. Pour back into bowl #2. Put into fast-freezing freezer for 4 hours.

Wait 2 hours.

Take contents of bowl #1 and pour into very big cake pan. Add contents of bowl #3 and then #4 into the very big cake pan.

Put very big cake pan in very big oven and bake for 1 hour 30 minutes. Cake should be golden brown, or not. Skins will be a color, but right now that color is unknown. Same with the fruit flesh. Remove from oven and put the very big cake pan on a very big table.

Take bowl #2 out of freezer. Use hammer and chisel to crack up ice. Spread broken bits of ice on top of cake. Squeeze toothpaste over the top of icy cake; spread evenly with chisel.

If you want to, use the chisel and hammer to spell something out.

Dust the top with ghost crystals.

Eat and enjoy… or else! (I know where you live!)

----------------

Serves: It depends. If the person is starving, he might throw up 15 cups. If the person isn’t starving, he’ll throw up a maximum of 35 cups.

Calories: Do you really want to know?

καλή όρεξη (that's Greek for bon appétit; bon appétit is French for happy eating!)

The REAL Kakakakaka!!….. Yaaaahhhhh!!!! ….. BOOOOOOM!!!

Here is the real Kakakakaka!!….. Yaaaahhhhh!!!! ….. BOOOOOOM!!! post that I sent to the editor at National Geographic. The stuff that is RED is the stuff he took out.

Pop Omnivore: What is Medabots all about?
Caleb: It’s about a boy named Ikki Tenryo who doesn’t have a robot fighter like all the other kids in school. One day a gang of thugs comes and challenges his friend Erika to a robo-battle, but she doesn’t take the challenge. So Ikki runs to a shop that sells Megabots and buys a very old robot because he couldn’t afford the new kind. Ikki names his robot Metabee—for metal beetle. Metabee is especially strong and powerful because of the special medal that Ikki put into him. (The medal is like the brain and soul of the robot.) In most of Ikki’s adventures, he does not end up in a fist fight, but a robattle where Metabee fights another robot until one of them isn’t functioning anymore. They fight. One robot wins. Next episode, please.

Pop: Do you like the show?
Caleb: It’s okay. On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d give it a 3 or 4, maximum 5.

Pop: What’s the coolest part of the show?
Caleb: When a metafighter—a person—beats somebody, they get part of their opponent’s robot’s body.

Pop: What’s the lamest part?
Caleb: Probably the bad guys. They steal rare and powerful medals, and they have Medabots that aren’t that good.

Pop: What special powers do Medabots have?
Caleb: Here are some Medabot powers:
- They can shoot bullets out of their arms.
- They can swing chains with balls at the end and wallop their opponent.
- They can shoot gravity beams that can pin you down to the ground.
- They can fight with swords.
- They have cape shields that protect them from bullets.
- They can shock their opponents with electric shock.
- They can talk to people.


Pop: Can real robots do all those things today?
Caleb: I thought you would ask me that, so I emailed questions to a man named Dr. Rodney Brooks. He is a Professor of Robotics at a school called MIT. This is what Dr. Brooks told me: “Some robots can talk to people today, though not as naturally as two people talking together. If they wanted to, they could make robots shoot bullets from their arms and shock people with something like a taser. But some of the other things would require a change in the laws of physics as we know them. Don’t expect gravity beams to be built by a bunch of engineers.”

Pop: What will robots be able to do in 20 years?
Caleb: Dr. Brooks told me that in 20 years or so there will probably be robots that help old people around the house so they can stay in their home longer. I think he means that robots might do the laundry, make dinner, go to the grocery store, walk the dog, feed the dog, make the beds, and stuff like that.

Pop: Would you like your own Medabot?
Caleb: Yes.

Pop: What power would you want your Medabot to have?
Caleb: The power to do my homework. I’d make him invincible. He’d also be able to turn himself into fire and water. And he’ll be able to shoot lighting, make a plant grow, and throw someone with a gravity force field. Also, maybe you could use a Medabot to download all the math facts from zero to ten into your head.

Pop: How much is 8 times 7?
Caleb: 56.

Pop: Would you like to live in a world where people could instantaneously download math facts and other information from the Internet directly into their brains?
Caleb: No.

Pop: Why not?
Caleb: You’d get bored.

Pop: Doesn’t this TV series remind you of a game you used to play?
Caleb: Yes. It reminds me of Pokemon. The characters cry the same, are drawn the same. And the story is the same. They have fights, and go Kakakakaka!!….. Yaaaahhhhh!!!! ….. BOOOOOOM!!!

Pop: Do you think it would be good to have robots fight your battles—and all battles—so people wouldn’t fight any more wars?

Caleb: Medabots don’t hurt humans, so at first you’d think people wouldn’t get hurt and there might be world peace. But think of this example: Japan wants to take over America. They send in a bunch off Medabots, but America doesn’t send out any Medabots to fight. The Medabots from Japan think the American Medabots are hiding, so they start blowing things up. They start a forest fire, lots of forest fires. And the firemen can’t put them all out, so it spreads all over the United States. Then all over North America. And slowly the world turns into the new sun.

So sure, I guess that would be peaceful. It also would be very hot—the world’s biggest bar-b-q!

Two Experts Answer My Questions About Robots

I have a blog post on the National Geographic web site. It's about a TV series called Medabots. Check it out!

To have the right answers for that interview, I emailed some questions to two professors who know a lot about robots. I asked them five questions. Here are their answers.

The first man is named Dr. Rodney Brooks. He teaches at MIT. First I told him some of the things that Medabots can do:

- They can shoot bulllets out of their arms.
- They can swing chains with balls at the end and whallop their opponent.
- They can shoot gravity beams that can pin you down to the ground.
- They can fight with swords.
- They have cape shields that protect them from bullets.
- They can shock their opponents with electric shock.
- They can talk to people.

Then I asked Dr. Brooks my questions:

Question #1: Can real robots do all these things today?

Some robots can talk to people today, though not as naturally as two people talking together. If people wanted to they could make robots shoot bullets from their arm and to shock people with something like a taser. But some of the other things would require a change in the laws of physics as we know them -- don't expect gravity beams to be built by a bunch of engineers.

Question #2: By the 22nd century, do you think will robots be able to do these things? What other things will robots be able to do in 100 years?

I think that all except the gravity beams are plausible, but I would like to build robots that do good things for people rather than fight them. And I think in the next twenty years or so you are going to see lots of developments in robots to help the elderly live longer in their homes--when your dad is old he'll probably have a few robots around the house helping out.

Question #3: If you could, would you create Medabots? But before you answer this, think of the consequences: People would be walking around with their Medabots shooting bullets at each other. Bill Gates could research a way to make Medabots attack humans. Then, Bill Gates buys all the Medabots, and he takes over the world.

I'm much more interested in making robots that help people--as is Bill Gates.

Question #4: What robot powers would you like to have?

I'd like to be maintain my strength and eyesight--both of which are getting worse as I get older--I think in 20 years or so we'll start to see robotic implants to help people with these things (there are already implants available to help people hear--computers under their scalp and connections into the Cochlea).

Question #5: Why do people like robots? Why do YOU like robots?

I first started trying to build robots when I was 8 or 9 years old. I've never given up. I like to build machines that do things, completely by themselves. I'm having way too much fun doing it!!

Dr. Brooks also said this:

Caleb,
Don't forget to build some robots yourself--Lego is a good place to start!

I also emailed questions to Dr. Matt Mason. He is the main person at the Robotics Institute at Carnegie Mellon University. Here's what he said:

Question #1: Can real robots do all these things today?

No.
Bullets out of arms: no. There are a few robots that shoot bullets, by having a special gun attached.
Chains with balls at the end. No, but we could probably do it.
Gravity beams: No, and we don't know how to do it.
Swords: No, again.
Cape shields: no. Shields: yes. Some military robots are built with armor to deflect some types of weapons.
Electric shock: Not sure. I believe there may be some security guard robots equipped with Tasers.
Talk to people: Yes!!! I'm glad we can do at least one of these things.

Question #2: By the 22nd century, do you think will robots be able to do these things? What other things will robots be able to do in 100 years?

We could do most of those things now. Since anybody can build robots, I think we will see all of those things within maybe 10 years, except for gravity beams.

Question #3: If you could, would you create Medabots? But before you answer this, think of the consequences: People would be walking around with their Medabots shooting bullets at each other. Bill Gates could research a way to make Medabots attack humans. Then, Bill Gates buys all the Medabots, and he takes over the world.

I would build them for fun, to fight each other.

Question #4: What robot powers would you like to have?

Strength, I suppose. So far, human bodies and brains are way better, so I do not envy robots.

Question #5: Why do people like robots? Why do YOU like robots?

I think it is because they are like people, but different. If you think machines can be like people, then it seems anything could be possible. They could be immortal. They could think faster. They could be unselfish and clean up our rooms for us. Or, if you have a darker outlook, they could be merciless and powerful, and we might end up cleaning up their rooms for them.

I like them because it is a way of exploring scientific questions. What is purpose, where does it come from, can machines be independent, how can a human or a machine understand the world around him, and so forth.

Hope this helps!
-- Matt

Thank you, Dr. Brooks!
Thank you, Dr. Mason!

Tenha um dia agradável (That's Portuguese for "have a nice day.")

My first post

Hi! My name is Caleb, and I am going to blog about the Boston Red Sox, baseball, school, politics, knots, basketball, the kind of stuff you might see in tabloids, salt & vinegar potato chips (I like them), and other things.

Please check this blog often. Or please subscribe to my Atom feed!

さようなら (that's Japanese for "good bye").